How to have great self esteem

John (Rainford) has mentored hundreds of individuals and businesses and helped them to succeed. He does it by releasing peoples ‘inner leadership.’ 

Often this is closed off for most people who don’t realise their own potential for success and how to access this inner leadership and freedom. 

Inner leadership is the person in you that you have either ignored because of your upbringing or it lies dormant waiting to surface and you haven’t realised it. Many entrepreneurs have woken up to their own potential and realised that they have choices they didn’t think that they had.

My definition of happiness, I tell my students is having choices. Having no choices is the definition of unhappiness.

I am amazed today that more and more youngsters feel they have little choice but to do as they are told because its in their best interest. Whenever they challenge these protocols or rules they are shouted down and told to behave normally like everyone else. The falsehood with this analogy is that no one person is the same as anyone else. We are all unique we are told, but we need to conform and be like everyone else. Breaking out of this cycle of conformity can be difficult, but if we want to have choices in life, we need to challenge these assumptions that we inherit from the condition that society places up on us. This does not mean we can wreck institutions or people that don’t agree with us, rather it can free us to be ourselves once we realise whats actually going on with ourselves and with other people.

So what is going on?

The reality is that we are all brainwashed into thinking we have no choices, everyone we speak to, parents, friends, teachers, acquaintances, people in the street. Am I advocating rebellion? No, I am advocating ‘wake up’ and smell the coffee, figure out what is going on. 

No this isn’t conspiracy theory, but it is like the Matrix (in the film) where we are all in a very structured society. This is not bad, if you don’t mind being asleep, but it can lead to misery, self doubt and low self esteem. Like, “no matter how hard I try – no matter what I do I cannot seem to make great choices.” And yet, we do all have that capacity for self realisation, waking up, and self actualisation. Self actualisation means – being the very best you can be.

We can start to wake up by saying No, to every request that is presented to us. Our friend asks us to do something or go somewhere, we automatically say YES. Our automatic responses are our worst enemy and controls the way we think and act and it is a sure way to remain asleep and some would say depressed.

I will demonstrate what I mean, try something for me. Fold your arms.

Now fold them the other way. 

Ask your self what just happened?

If you didn’t know it, you have just broken your automatic reactions. 

When you get into a shower you will always get in the same way. Everything for you is automatic. Yes I will do that favour for you. We often agree to things before we are asked to do anything. 

To be awake you need to realise that we are all automatons. We just do what everyone expects everyday, without even questioning why we are doing things, this way or that. 

I remember that when I voted in an election I always voted in a certain way, because my father had always voted in the same way. I never questioned what I was doing I was doing it all unconsciously, without giving it a second thought. Now, because I am awake, I question my choices. Am I doing the right thing? 

Now it comes back to the beginning, we don’t have a diagnosis – we just make assumptions. This is not a good way to live, being on automatic pilot means all of your prejudices and bad habits are controlling you.

The worse thing that can happen to you is lack of control and it is the seat of unhappiness. If people are telling what to do all the time, and what to think, you will never be happy – because you are acting out your life according to other peoples expectations and wishes of what you should do with your life, instead of making choices for yourself.

Having no choices means you are being controlled and if you go along with it all the time, you are going to be unhappy. 

Happiness is having choices and being in control of your own destiny.

Wake up and you can be truly happy.